so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
