dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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