Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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