Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
