he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We are two peas in an std pod
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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