I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
