True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
