I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
