You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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