ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
