so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
