So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
