So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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