im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
