I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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