he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
