woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
