What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
