I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
