i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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