if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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