Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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