apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize