I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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