Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
