that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
