Are you still at the party or did I leave?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
