Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
