Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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