i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
