Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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