Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
