I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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