Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
