One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
