So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
