y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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