Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Someone came in the potted fern
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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