i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
