I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize