Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
