Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
