YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
