3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I could fuck to npr.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
