I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize