My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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