My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
