Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
