i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
