after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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