You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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