no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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