we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
