What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
