Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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