i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
