Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
