I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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