The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
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I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Come on in and take your pants off
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