i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
