Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
