I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
