Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
