mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
